Living with Lupus Pt 2.
pre brain study photo by me.
Part 2 (Continued from pt.1)
Compared to any other obstacles I have faced, coming to terms with being diagnosed with systemic lupus, was -A LOT- more difficult.
(look for blog post on the process of getting to a diagnosis later)
You see, I took this diagnosis VERY personal. Lupus is an autoimmune disease, meaning… I was literally attacking myself. The cells that were meant to protect me against foreign invaders, had turned! Also, I knew that there is no CURE for lupus, so I would be left to deal with the systemic manifestations in the long run.
I felt like I caused this; I was pushing myself past the envelope of what I could physically and mentally handle.
After I wallowed in depression and self-pity for a few months, I gathered enough energy to take the second part of my perio board exam. I did my best on the exam, and tried to continue along my journey. With the support of my loved ones, I began to make some subtle lifestyle changes. I started by getting away from toxic work stress, letting go of friendships that didn’t serve me, adapting healthier eating habits, and worked on becoming more mindful and present.
I was told by my doctor that if my symptoms didn’t improve, I would have to start some type of chemotherapy. The thought of chemo terrified me, my body already felt so weak! At the time, I could only tolerate working a couple half days a week. So, I kept on my journey. I started to set better boundaries, worked on saying no, and listened to my body. I became a self-care obsessed junkie.
With time (and a few hurdles), I started to have more normal days vs sick days. I found a good doctor who understood me, and my goals as a patient. Slowly within a year, I started to get back to feeling like my spunky self.
Today, rather than blaming myself, I feel that my systemic lupus disease is a blessing. It’s a constant reminder to check in, and make sure I’m doing okay. I have learned to be kind, and forgiving to my body. I found so many people rooting for me and supporting me, and a true support system. A lot of the same friends and family that hung around even after I had recovered after the car accident (read blog post on “success story”). Occasionally still, despite doing all the right or wrong things— the body aches start to creep in, and a flare can happen. Even then, I have to remind myself that I’m doing my best.
We’re all just doing our best.
My hopes for the PerioPocket are to reach people who feel or felt the same way I did. On days when I couldn’t shower or get out of bed, days when I felt like I had no control, and days where I couldn’t do the things that I once loved.
The third part of this blog post, later this week I’ll talk about the car accident the catapulted my journey.
